The only way to get the best of an argument…

… is to avoid it.

That is the first of 12 suggestions from Dale Carnegie on how to “win people to your way of thinking“. A couple of the others that I really like are:

  • Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong”.
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  • Begin in a friendly way.
  • Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes” immediately.
  • Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

In many ways, these remind of what I understand to be the basic attributes of diplomacy and negotiation. Obviously, there may come a point when these efforts fail and other, more drastic, approaches need to be taken.

Some would say that we are already beyond the point that these types of approaches can be of value in ongoing debates surrounding autism and autism advocacy. But I don’t believe that.

What about you?

Comparative studies in “autism”

I have an irritating (according to some) tendency to play “devil’s advocate” in discussions about many things. I think this dates back to my junior year in high school when I learned the pleasures of debate in a philosophy class (gotta love the Jesuits!). More than anything, it was the admonition that some things were beyond debate – for example, abortion (remember: Jesuits) – that got me hooked. Nothing, as far as I’m concerned, is beyond discussion or debate.

Which has led me into a life of “comparison.” Comparative religion. Comparative politics. (It was, in fact, in a comparative politics class that I met my wife of 21 years.) My reading list over the years reflects this believe, as I make it a point to read books that discuss different aspects of a question or dilemma. Atheism / Religion. War / Peace. Republican / Democrat. Gun Control / NRA (and, of course, Ted Nugent ;-). Democracy / Communism / Fascism / …ism.

As I have become more and more of a comparative person I’ve also realized that I don’t have much tolerance for fundamentalism, which makes sense since fundamentalism is – by definition – “strict adherence to [a] set of basic ideas or principles”. For one thing, you can’t have a meaningful discussion with fundamentalists: they know what they know and believe what they believe and don’t really listen to what you are saying except to figure out which pre-fabbed counterargument they will use (sometimes they don’t even try that hard). The worst thing, though, is that there is no opportunity for true learning or growth for either me or the fundamentalist.

It seems inevitable, then, that I find myself thinking about autism in comparative terms and being frustrated at the level of fundamentalism that permeates all sides of the discussions and debates surrounding autism. The proverbial straw* that has brought this far enough to the front of my brain to write about was the recent departure of Michael Boll and his Autism Podcast from the Autism Hub.

To be fair, I haven’t listened to the Autism Podcast in quite some time. (Truth be told, I don’t listen to any podcasts – embarrassing, I know.) But in the wake of the dust-up surrounding Michael’s interview with Rick Rollens, I figured I should take a look through his archives to get an idea of what he has produced over the years.

What I found was an impressive collection of podcasts and interviews with people from many different backgrounds, perspectives, and thoughts on autism. Michael seems to be someone who is interested in learning all he can so that he can better understand the issues, and sharing the source of his learning so that others can do the same. My kind of guy.

But that most recent interview (which, again, I have not listened to) really got the ire up on the Hub. You can see the basics of that ire in the comments to the interview, but it went much deeper than that. As a member of the Hub, I kept up with the discussion about the interview on the Hub’s mailing list.

Though there are a lot of nuances to all the discussion, what it basically came down to was, “How dare he interview someone who is so against everything we stand for, not call him to task for it, and then have the audacity to actually publish it on the Hub? Never mind all the good things (ie, things we agree with) he has posted over the years, he spoke with someone who doesn’t share our beliefs, and shared those beliefs with the world, so he must not share them either.” Fundamentalism at its ugliest.

When I moved this site to this self-hosted location earlier this year, I also redesigned it so that it showed a wide variety of feeds and links. Yes, the sidebar includes a feed from Age of Autism (another group that is sinking quickly into fundamentalism) in addition to the link to the Hub, as well as links to neurodiversity AND bio-med autism parents.

At the time, I actually considered resigning from the Hub. Not because I don’t believe in the stated purpose of the Hub, because I do. But I knew then that I had some things I wanted to write about that would raise the hackles of some of the more “hard-core” members of the hub. Because as much as I agree with what the Hub is trying to do, I don’t always agree with how it is done. (There are, in fact, several Hub blogs I don’t read because of their incredible viciousness toward those who don’t agree with them.)

There are many topics in autism making headlines these days that generate seemingly endless, and amazingly opposite, reactions from people (Peet vs. McCarthy, anyone?). It is not my intent to turn 29 Marbles into a “comparative autism” blog, but I have the feeling I’ll be writing more along those lines in the future. I’m looking forward to some good conversations.

* Obviously not enough to make me write about this before, there has been at least one (anonymous) call for me to be removed from the Hub because of my “deference to … a loon.” To be honest, I’m surprised there haven’t been more. I’m sure there will be more in the future. And if it is the will of the Hub to remove me, I’ll respect that decision. But given a choice, I choose to stay.